What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

How do you deal with neighbors who are always telling you what to do?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

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About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Its year 2041, and president Hunter Biden has ordered every republican who sweared at him to be arrested and shot. I am on my way to the death row listening to the cheer of the Liberal mob chanting death death death. How can I escape?

What! how could you do that?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

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What do you mean son?

True - how I loved my mum!

Do you know what she said mum?

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She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”